What to do when being chased/charged...

This morning we had orientation which consisted of local hazards and what to be aware of etc.  Besides the obvious malaria, yellow fever, and food poisoning from anything and everything, there are some appropriate behaviors for local hazards which I think everyone should know.

1)   If an elephant charges….run.  When asked how fast the elephants are the local staff said “very fast, faster than you”.  So I guess running is solely to make you feel like you gave an effort to survive while being trampled.

2)   If cheetahs chase you…take steps back if it is slowly approaching, if charging make lots of noise and throw things at them.  This makes sense because they are kind of fast so running probably wouldn’t work well. 

3)   If a buffalo charges….run in a zig-zag.  They have bad eyesight.

4)   If a hippo charges….do nothing.  It’s hopeless.

5)   If a crocodile is in the water….get out and far away from shore.  They can jump 9 feet out of the water to catch prey…aka you.

6)   If a rhino charges…run in a zig-zag, then climb a tree.  Unless the tree is right next to you, in which case skip the running part and go straight to climbing.

7)   If a baboon is present…don’t face them off.  “Don’t try and bring it.  They can bring it much better than you can.”  Also, beware of alcoholic monkeys.

8)   If a snake bites you…stay calm, because adrenaline will make the venom spread faster.  I know nobody would actually do this, but just a fun fact.

9)   Giraffes can decapitate a lion with one forward kick.  So don’t just worry about the back kicks.  They are pretty crafty.

Then this afternoon I put all my slutty clothes away (aka any shorts that are above the knee and anything below the neckline and/or baring my shoulders) and went out into the community.  It’s a cute little town about 15 minutes away called Kimana and we went to the market which happens every Tuesday.  People from all over walk/bike here and it was definitely quite the experience.  There were probably 30-40 “mommas” who were bombarding us, trying to sell us jewelry.  I learned how to say I have no money (sina pesa), however that was no help considering they did not believe me and kept talking to me in wicked fast Swahili.  Some even put the jewelry on me and then told me how much it costs.  Persistent doesn’t even begin to describe it.  But overall, I loved it.  Such an incredible experience.  Everyone greeted you with warm smiles and it was interesting to be the one who completely did not fit in and who is constantly stared at.  My favorite part was learning how to greet children and picking up on some Swahili phrases just on my own.  The kids are actually quite shy and they just bow their head when you say hello.  At first I was confused until I saw someone else put their hand on the child’s head and found out that this was a greeting to them.  Super cool! 

Things I learned today: I need to run much faster if I am going to survive the elephant herds.  I need to practice climbing trees (I planned a 15 minute practice interval daily to help with this).  Sina pesa is an ineffective phrase with the “mommas”.  I love Swahili! 

I saw the baboon again (Rafiki) and a monkey ran into someone’s banda while they were sleeping.  I haven’t been this excited for the present in a long time.  And I love it.